Monday, August 20, 2012

donkey in lioness skin

I forgot how stressful the weeks just before and after taking your kids to college can be.  This is not a good thing to forget, but I did.  When you forget, you end up getting surprised when things go wrong.  And there are only about 127 different things that can go wrong. Plus everyone's emotions are on edge.  The ones going are nervous - either knowingly or unknowingly - about what's ahead.  The ones staying are trying to navigate the change of dynamic in the house.  It's all very unsettling.  All kinds of emotions.  I'm excited that they are growing up and going.  I'm so proud of them. But I'm sad.  I'm scared. I want to be the steady, un-flustered mom who keeps it all together.  Ha! I'm not.

Not long ago a sweet friend called me a lioness on her blog.  A lioness - really?  A lioness is strong and fierce.  I don't feel strong or fierce.  (Unless of course by fierce you mean a complete psycho who starts barking orders to everyone with her eyes bulging out of her head in frustration that people still don't realize that, if I made all the decisions and everyone obeyed them, things could go smoothly {deep breath}!  But, that's not what I mean by fierce.)

When I read her blog post, I immediately thought of Puzzle, the donkey in The Last Battle of the Narnia books.  Puzzle gets tricked into wearing a lion's skin that his 'friend' Shift found.  Shift is an ape and wants Puzzle to impersonate Aslan so that Shift can manipulate the Narnians.  Puzzle, bless his heart, is just dense.  Shift says, "You know you're no good at thinking Puzzle, so why don't you let me do your thinking for you?"  And Puzzle listens to the lies and does what Shift says.

Most of the time I feel like Puzzle.  A timid, ignorant donkey who is only pretending to be strong and fierce while listening to the lies that get whispered into my ears.  But the truth straight from the heart of Jesus is that all the lies are just that... lies.  I don't have to believe them.  I don't have to listen.  I need to listen to Jesus.