Wednesday, September 5, 2012

oh...now I get it

Not long ago I had dinner and went to a movie with a friend.  Ten years ago when we first moved to Tulsa, this friend was single and I wasn't.  Times have changed.  She's married and I'm not.  So weird.  That night I looked at her and said, "I'm sorry.  I thought I understood you then, but I didn't.  I thought I knew a little of what you went through, but I didn't get it."

She laughed, graciously, and looked me in the eye with a knowing.... pity?  No, not pity exactly.  She just knew.

I wasn't ever really single, you know.  Well, college.  But that's only partly single.  It's not the on-your-own-making-all-your-own-decisions single.  It's just not married yet.  

But now here I am and I'm just going to say it.  It's uncomfortable.  And, for all you girls who I told to read Paige Benton Brown's essay on singleness... I'm sorry.  Really and truly.  Not because of the essay - it's fabulous and worth the read.  But, I'm sorry I somehow thought it would be enough.  I should have listened to you a whole lot more.  I should have asked you hard questions about how you're really doing with it.  Because it's hard.  It just is.

On any given day, being single is fine.  But today I hate it and yesterday I hated it and,because I anticipate what the next couple days are going to be like, I'm planning on hating it until Sunday at which point Ricky will preach from Isaiah again and I'll remember again that God is my God.

No comments:

Post a Comment