Saturday, March 2, 2013

sanguine love song

Every now and then I think of myself as a writer.  And then, something comes along that changes the way I view my world - permanently - and I go back to hoping that one day I'll be able to string words together to powerfully communicate life altering truth like that.

So if you haven't already read this article, go read it and then come back.

My Train Wreck Conversion

I love this story.  A woman that most of us would shrug off as "unreachable" is brought to Christ in the way I imagine most people are brought to Christ - friendship.  She wasn't someone's evangelism project. She was someone's friend and God used their conversations to bring her to himself.

But here's what she said that got me.  It whispers to me when I am insecure.  It screams to me when I feel myself reeling out of control.  And, it is what I must smother into silence when I am tempted to sin.   
But the voice of God sang a sanguine love song in the rubble of my world. I weakly believed that if Jesus could conquer death, he could make right my world. I drank, tentatively at first, then passionately, of the solace of the Holy Spirit. I rested in private peace, then community, and today in the shelter of a covenant family, where one calls me "wife" and many call me "mother."
A sanguine love song.  God looks on me with cheerful optimism and sings.  To me.  About me.  And its not a durge, it is a love song.

I'm not sure you can understand the significance of this for me.  I'm divorced.  It was (and is) a death.  Do you know that in my father's family I am the only one to be divorced in three generations.  The only one.  My grandparents were married 70 years, had 4 children, 12 grandchildren and 24 great grand-children before they died a couple years ago.  I'm not stupid.  I know there have been issues, but everyone else seems to have held it together at least on the outside.  Except me.  And the music of my heart has been very mournful.  I suppose that's appropriate to an extent.

But what I forget to see is that God sings to me with hope.  He smiles and he loves and he sings.  He's not worried.  He knows my past, my present and my future and I will choose to believe that "if Jesus could conquer death, he [can] make my world right."