Sunday, April 7, 2013

firsts

You would think that after 4 years, I would have encountered almost everything that newly divorced people have to go through.  There have been so many firsts.  First time you see your ex.  First time he shows up at the kids' school with a friend (who happens to be a girl).  First time you watch your children drive away on Christmas Day to spend the next 8 days at his house.  All of these firsts have stung a little.  Some have stung a lot.

Enter Easter 2013.  First time to spend a holiday together.  Yes, you read that right.  First time to cook for him.  First time to meet beforehand to make some "rules" and discuss how to love the children well during an event.  First time to debrief after an event.  First time to sit around the table together.  First time for me to sit down with the kids and say, "This is what this means" and, perhaps more pointedly, "This is what this doesn't mean" and pray that they understand and believe me.  First time to watch a "carnage" game out back on the trampoline in a very long time. 

I wish you could see the peace in my heart.

Because even though this was perhaps the most intense first yet, it was one of those that we had to get through for me to live at peace with divorce.  I know!  You'd think I'd be at peace with divorce already.  But, its just hard to get there - you know?  I guess if you're not divorced, you probably don't know. 

Anyway I think our Easter dinner spoke volumes to the kids (and the tag-along OSU students that were here) that we would make an effort to love them and, yes, dare I say love each other enough to swallow pride, embrace the awkward and be together.  Thankfully and mercifully, I don't think anyone is misunderstanding this to mean something that it is not.  So, though not perfectly executed, by any means, I'd say the day was a success.  There were a few awkward moments to learn from.  A little bit of rule breaking.  A few bright lights pointing out some ugly dark corners of our hearts.  Bright lights are a good thing. :-) 

Easter was what it should be.  A celebration of the risen Savior.  A look at how his resurrection gives us hope and eternal life.  A reminder that our best days are ahead. 

Yes.  Our best days are ahead.